Oy, the internet is eating me! bleah…

It’s bad enough to spend hours customizing my own desktop, but now Becky[roommate] has a brain…um brand new computer and so I’ve gotten her some items and made her a web page.{Do I associate computers with intelligence?}

but mmm, i love it so much.

What I really need to be doing [is] my paper for psychology–make upon journaling or even my big paper for honors, I didn’t even game[rpg] tonight,sigh. Why am I so un-motivated and lazy? I used to be on time. I used to get things done and though I’ve slept most of the day, and done nothing but read, I-surf and sit around naked[maybe more on that another time], I haven’t really done-anything. Last week was the last week of classes. The week where things were to be finished and I’m not.
It bothers me that I’m like this, but it bothers me more when Clark[boyfriend]says things like:

“I know how you are”
or
“that’s just the [way] you are”

and why does is scare me when he says

“We’re very alike in those aspects”
and
“We are very alike”

It’s like he is saying that my personality is carved in stone,unchangeable, unmovable.
I have always had the power to be whatever I want. To be changeable,I’m still young, I want to be changeable.

Do I not change my innovation[motivation] because he seems to constantly be reinforcing the facts my weaknesses as things in an unchangeablecharacter, hmm…

*phone call*
Spoke to Clark, he told me to go to bed again. talked told him to stop mbeing my father
Asked him who tells him to go to bed.
–no-one–
Why?
–because I do it–
When can I be that age?
–…–

He slides into that father role so easily. Unfortunately that puts me into a child role
I don’t Like being a child.
I NEVER DID
WAS I EVER ONE
I ALWAYS IDENTIFIED
WITH MY Older PEOPLE BETTER
at least until I got here to school.
Being the child makes me feel, small, insignificant, helpless, dependent(that’swhat he wants)

I worked hard to get here–19 years….

I want to be an intelligent, flexible, independent WOMAN!