Irritated.

Do you ever get really irritated?

I’m so tired of being able to hear everything in the office. I’m tired of hearing who’s kids are sick, and didn’t sleep last night, I’m tired of hearing voices through my headphones and music. I’m upset that someone felt the need to change my chair this morning. I want to go back to bed, go back to sleep. Or draw, or sew, or read.


Editor’s note. The Irritated Title really only speaks about the above paragraph, and not really about the rest of this entry. Additional Editor’s note. Parents are not encouraged to read this journal. Thankyou for you patronage

I’m a bit out of it, I suppose, due to all our traveling this weekend. We left Saturday night for Eau Claire (3 hours north), for a Mother’s day hoo-hah. Got in at midnight, and Cher and I chatted about wedding stuff till 1:30. Carlo was zonked out on the airbed the whole time, and about halfway through our talking, I started getting out my nightgown and shorts to get ready for bed. She kept talking, I moved over to the bed. She continued talking, I sat down on the bed, more talking. It seemed likely that she was going to crawl into bed with us and keep talking about wedding stuff. But, she eventually went upstairs, goodness. It’s nice that she’s excited about the wedding though, we all are.


Blah, I don’t want to write about this weekend, and I’ve been putting off last week, or 2 weeks of updates. But I should, to remember, and for the nice cleansing effect it has.



This weekend first, I suppose… Well Sunday we all got up and out the door, and went to the Sweetwater’s, in Eau Claire, all 33 or so of us, Jim(carlo’s great uncle) and Joni, from ohio and their daughter Michelle and Hubby were flown in. Jim’s other son, Dr. Louis was there with Dulce also. They live here in Madison too. And of course, all the usual aunts, uncles, and cousins. Quite a Mother’s day event, and there were several mothers in attendance. And of course, and awesome buffet. (The young cousins felt they found a goldmine in the stickybuns covered in caramel sauce)

And then we drove back home to have Mother’s day dinner with my family, we went to TGIFridays. Somewhere last night I saw pictures of me in my wedding dress. Sigh. Pictures from my first fitting, disheartening. The dress fit so much better than it had when I first bought it… So much better, I felt really good. But then, the photos… I am so overweight. I’ve lost almost 20lbs and I’m still overweight, and fighting to get my weight down. I mean, I’ve lost so much that I look a great deal better than the pictures from Christmas, and Eddie, Michelle’s husband, even commented on it. But I still look huge in my wedding dress. I mean, it’s a large dress(size wise). And it looks big, and sigh. True, I didn’t have my hair or makeup done, but, I just don’t want all my wedding pics to be like that. My family and Carlo think that if I buckle down, and exercise hard, and watch what I eat… I could still lose 12 more lbs. I mean, ultimately I’d still have 50lbs to go after these 12 more lbs. But, on the bright side, it’d be so nice, to finally start turning back the clock on my body. I gained 20 some pounds last year (mostly last fall, due to moving in together stress), just before Christmas… I decided I’d had enough, and joined Weight watchers, and it’s a really good program. When you follow it, weight just melts off, and you end up eating so much healthier. So, I’ve had bad weeks, and good weeks, and ok weeks, but I need to really step it up, and not slip up anymore, and just have good weeks, until the wedding.
We went to the store last night and bought $174 worth of groceries to help both of us trim down.


It just seems insurmountable, though I know its not, having already lost a good amount of weight. But the alternative, is icky. I might scan in the pics after the wedding to show the ickyness. It doesn’t look horrid, just really not good, and sigh. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I want to be healthy, I want to eat healthy, I want to feel good in a swimsuit, I want to wear a bikini, and be able to shop at any store, and not have to worry about sizes. Not have to laugh that places list small sizes as their Xtra larges. I want to feel totally self confidant.


I have a lot of work to do, to achieve these goals. Any inspirational links, ideas are more than welcome.