Last night I fell asleep in the arms of my husband. Facing him, over and under blankets and pillows, I cradled his head and shoulder with my arms and hands. His arms embraced me too.
Such a secure, and overwhelming happy feeling to have right before drifting off. I made sure to tell him that various things in my life might be making me
unhappy, but he only makes me happy.


I’ve been really frustrated lately, with a variety of things, from work issues, to social issues, to weight loss issues, to money issues(those always tend to hit us at the bottom of the month, silly bills) .
And I know everything will even out, be paid up, submitted, and solved. But it’s still frustrating.


We went for a drive on Sunday, in the jeep, up around campus, up around where we dream of living someday, near the lake in these beautiful old and big houses, full
of architectural wit and character. Old money, we say. We know that fabulous houses won’t make us happy, if we aren’t already. He sees getting one of those houses as just a problem to be solved, overcome. It was nice when he parked the Jeep, and we went for a short walk around the dorms, on the dirt path down by the water, I feel like I’ve missed being outside the whole summer.



Sometimes our dreams seem so far away, and I know we just have to take it bit by bit, step by step. If I must look only at my feet, while I pass through life’s problems, I know eventually I’ll have walked the distance. Sometimes my dreams seem indistinct, I still want so many different things, directions. I wonder how I can accomplish them, when I have trouble accomplishing a clean apartment, made bed, laundry off the floor. Seems like I’ve gone from a who might I be to a, who are we, who do they think we are, who do we want to be?


This might be just Dayquil addled brain sloshing, or perhaps just looking towards Friday, where I’ll be 23. I have these weird thoughts, some that say, ‘Stacie, you’re only a bit out of school, what did you expect to have accomplished by now?, to ‘what haven’t I expected to accomplish’, and ‘where next.’


Where next, indeed?