Questing

Ok, things are better today, didn’t start out ok, but much better. And tommorrow is friday. More gaming this weekend, at our apartment even, perhaps we can clean and be real hosts!


I got to go for a small walk today after lunch, it’s beautiful outside here. I need to do that more often while it’s so nice out, before it gets too cold. Need to get exercising more in general, I think it helps me even out emotionally, and that’s a very very good thing.

I’m all happy because it looks like I’ll be able to get out and draw with other peoples on thurdays, yah! I work with a girl who wants to draw comics(plant girl), and met another one through a web forum, and she’s going to school here in madison. It’ll be fun to get together and draw, make drawing a bit less solitary, and perhaps we can learn from each other. Art makes me happy.

Listening to some cds I brought from home sure have helped, and well. Book of Secrets and Sound Loaded. I also brought Corr’s Blue, but I was pretty dissapointed in that cd, only really liked breathless, and that got so overplayed, and at first listen most of the other lyrics seemed pretty infantile. We’ll see, perhaps another listen will help. Not crossing my fingers though.

So I guess I’ll move desks next week, or perhaps friday, I might have to resort to making food and luring people by to come talk to me. Might have to get a little lamp or something to make the space mine. I want to be a pleasant person at work, I want to be a person who gets things done, and is positive. We’ll have to see what I can do about that.

It’s so nice outside, it’s autumn, but warm, and there is a nice warm wind. I slipped into my sun-warmed jeep for a little reading at lunch, it was so nice to get away. I’m working my way through Moonlight and Vines by Charles de Link, it’s like the third such book of stories set in newford, it’s nice reading for escaping.

Sounds like I have to move desks again, I could just cry. I finally finally got a desk I could live with, in the design room with the designers, and it sounds like i’m being moved to general office cubeville, where its silent, and no one will remember I work here. And most likely I’ll have to have my back to the ‘door’, that drives me crazy, I had finally finally gotten it set up with my back to the corner, where I could see everything, and didn’t have to constantly have people looking in over my shoulder, and sigh…

This job makes me feel like I don’t exist, like I only exist when there are problems, I’m so tired of the fact that I’ve worked here so long, 6 months, and it feels like I’ve gotten so little done. Well, it looks that way, the web site redesign has still not been launched, even though, my part is done twice! They won’t let me do my job, and forget about me when I’m here, and never, ever give me the content and graphics I need, or the database server, or the database guru they promised to hire, when they offered me a job.

And now, I’m going to be tucked away… not even in with the IS guys. I am so, frustrated, I’m literally in tears.

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In other news, I did lose a half a pound last week, even with all the poor food choices from the weekend.


Also, I added a couple poems to quixmix, they are older ones, but a couple of my favorites, and actually songs, so I recorded me singing them, heh. Just to warn you, I’m only a singer on kareoke nights, so you’ll just have to bear with me, also, the recording was done in my office, and you can hear the highway behind me.
Also, way cool


I wrote a little email note to Charles de Lint, a couple days ago. He is one of my totally favorite authors, and he wrote back!!! He was just as kind in his note as his writing makes him sound, woo


His website can be found here


Hey, why does no one page my phone any more? See the little pink phone down there? That’s what it’s for!

So, it’s Monday, happily I realize that this week, like the last few will go quickly and leave me with another nice weekend.


I’m so frustrated today though, last week I was SO GOOD, so totally on my weight watchers program, i get 22-27 points, and was only using about 23.5 a day. And then Bam, the weekend hits, ok, I can handle this, might not have made the best choices, but, had soup without the bread bowl, and salad, and was feeling pretty good. And the Sunday I ate basically everything, *sob*, it’s not all that bad I guess, but when you start out with 14 points worth of bagels and cream cheese, it’s hard to win. And Chips, and cookies, and tacos and tortillas, sigh. I was up 2.5 lbs on my scale this morning. I know its all water weight mostly, but I weigh in tonight, and had been so so good last week, everything except exercise, and I’m just so dissapointed. bother.


We did have a good weekend though, and I downloaded Ragnorakonline and its so cute and fun, and we gamed, and had our book thing, and I hung out with Tony, Mike and Maria on saturday, mostly random shopping, but fun.


I’m so tired, and hungry in general though, blah.

It’s been a week since the terrorists hit the world trade centers, and the pentagon.


The first few days there was only one story, one channel, one radio station, and it told tales of death, hope, and tears.

I wasn’t directly affected, no one I know was destroyed, that I know of. But I, as many Americans, was hit personally by the attacks.


Not only was my country attacked, but my fellow citizens were in pain. Aimee wrote about the Jedi feeling the pain of so many deaths.

So many lives lost, so many searching for friends, families, fiancée’s, I was in tears for days, listening to the radio on my drive home, arriving with my face damp, and eyes puffy.


And now, with most of the rest of the country, I am numb. I can’t take it all in, I can’t take in enough pain, I can’t make it better. All I can do is pray, and listen, and hope.


The last time an event outside of my family affected me similarly was when the Challenger blew up, and I must have been only four, but I remember crying over the newspaper, upstairs in the house in Kentucky.


And this is so much worse. So much more raw, so much more defeating. I had nightmare’s all last week, where I was running, racing in smoke, from pieces of building and airplane falling, and crashing, amidst tears and screaming and …


The only night I didn’t have a nightmare was the night we watched, in the Mouth of Madness. Can you believe it? That a horror movie would mask and calm my mind from the true terror of last week?




But, it has been a week, and while I feel a bit teary writing the above, America, and I have begun to function again, and while some are functioning better than others, life is moving again.


Carlo’s birthday is on Thursday, those of you who want to join us down at the Karaoke kid Thursday night, are welcome.


A good weekend coming up, more Tolkien reading group stuff, more Middle Earth Role Playing, and a Car Show (more for hubby than me).


Last weekend I cleaned one of our bathrooms for an hour, whew, we also Totally detailed and cleaned my Jeep, yah, Jeep! We also rented 4 DVD’s from Blockbuster, it was good to escape away from the news, which is still widely available, even though we have more than one channel, one story, one station, once again.

We’re in a state of war, delta threat. the pentagon is smoking , the world trade center no longer exists. Thank God that everyone I know webwise over there is ok.

It’s hard to put into words, so horrific, so devastating. I’m glad we live here, in the midwest, away from the horror. Hug your loved ones tonight.

My husband went and gassed up our vehicles tonight, good thing, gas has gone up to 4.00 in some places, not around here. People have been lined up at pumps to get gas since before dinner. Good thing we got ours tonight, Carlo says they won’t get their shipment of gas for tommorrow.

My parents old van is in need of fixin, so I got to drive it to the garage to get fixed, the mech will look at it tommorrow. The garage is right by our house, so it was no problem to drop it off.


I’ve been driving in the jeep a good deal, hard to remember not to clutch (an automatic van does not like it when you attempt to clutch on the brake). It was also very quiet. I’ve been driving with the soft top on the Jeep, and while that’s a blast, and easy to take down/up, it makes highway drivin pretty loud. Their van was very quiet, little road noise, and the radio didn’t need to be cranked so loud. Well, and the drive was a lot smoother, my Jeep is a bouncy critter. I Love my Wrangler, but I felt so secure in my parents van. It smelled like home. Coffee smells, a hint of my mom’s hairspray/perfume. Book smell from the book biz they’ve had almost as long as I can remember. Memories of the long trips in that van and similar, streched out on a long bench seat, listening to the radio as we go through chicago to ohio. My family drives a lot, for a bit there, I felt like I could drive several hours in their van somewhere, in the dark, and end up at some roadside stop for a bite of breakfast.

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We had a great weekend! Friday night we went to LuLu’s for a wonderful dinner before our Lord of the Ring’s reading group met (chapters 1-6). We got to sit at the low table, with the cushions just off the ground, very cool. Of course, it was only comfortable until we were overfull, and couldn’t stretch out.


The reading group was so awesome, though late. Tony and Carlo have read the trilogy multiple times, with Michael not too far behind. I haven’t read it since 5th grade, and am happy to understand so much more this go around. Jaz is reading for the first time, I think, and Jon is already into the Two towers, ee! It was a great time, though we had to send Maria off to bed early, to have friends discussing a whole set of literature that is close to the hearts and childhoods of many. We are gearing up for the movie this winter. Want to make sure everyone has read the book, before they see the movie.


Saturday we had another nice time together, played our Middle Earth Role Master characters for the first time, I play a female ranger, and carlo plays a hobbit cook. (who did indeed turn out to be the key to the operations, heh) All in all a good deal of fun, and can’t wait to play more. We ended the night with the atrocious movie ‘The Musketeer’–kids, steer clear of this cow pie.


Sunday we watched the Packers awesome game at home, and headed back to M&M’s for board games, we arrived in time to see Maria beat Tony and her husband in scrabble, and then settled in for Star Wars Monopoly -Epidode one. The best part in the game was my cool Amidala playing piece. I was happy to break out the Scattergories, which Dan (who has moved to vegas) bought us as a wedding gift. It was a great hit, and a couple people had never played it. Good times. I love autumn, it always makes me feel more connected. Just a wonderful, all round weekend.

Other birthday tidbits. FRANK! and DAN called me from Las Vegas! to wish me happy birthday, it was so totally cool, and I wanted to make sure I mentioned it here. I was very surprised and pleased, miss them both a good deal.


Labor day weekend was nice, we went up to the family cabin on lake fireside, and it would have been perfect had I not gotten sick.

But we got a bit of four-wheeling, and paddleboating in before my eye decided to get all icky, and sunday morning when I woke I could even open it, it had swollen so much. Good thing that Carlo’s aunt works for an opthamalagist, and had some eye drops which have done wonders. I think I caught something else too, my throat is sore and I’m pretty achy.

Still, it was just beautiful up there, a bit cool, but I love cool autumn days. We went four-wheeling just once but it was nice and non-buggy. Carlo and I took some books out on the paddle boat and read for an hour or so in the middle of the lake. That was really nice, he caught up on his Lord of the Rings chapters for our reading group, and I read several short stories by H.P. Lovecraft.

This morning the new girl stole the plant off my new desk. (yah! new desk, new desk, in a happy area!) She’s really nice, but I am perterbed she stole my pretty plant. I made a missing plant sign, heh.

I’m also happy to be in the IT dept now, and no longer under marketing, I think things will move more quickly now on the web stuff I do at work, yah!