Questing

Christmas was stressful, and emotional. For a lot of reasons, mostly about family time scheduling issues. Note to self: Ask for what you desire, and see if it’s possible, instead of just dealing. Guh.

I have never had a Christmas with any family drama, our holidays are generally peaceful. This one had plenty. Sadly, if I would have stepped up, I could have cut my part of the debacle off at the pass. Hindsight, sadly…

Enough of that. Drama aside, We did have many pleasant moments, and received many lovely things.(Including two new DeLint Books which I have already Devoured) It sucked that I had a hard case of the sniffles that made me feel like a zombie for most of the days prior to ‘Eve, and during the day of ‘Eve. (somehow things seemed better after some sudafed and two glasses of riesling.)

We still have Christmas/Thanksgiving with my husband’s family. (something that slipped in the scheduling at the last moment Christmas eve) Tiff, husband’s stepsister, is in town from Germany, and she missed Thanksgiving, so we’re getting Turkey and Trimmings, AND opening gifts on Sunday. I know that will be pleasant, and am looking forward to it.

I received my very own copy of Wicked Soundtrack from my husband’s aunt. I’ve been playing it non-stop all day. It is very cheering.

Tomorrow, I am taking my father up to the hospital for his chemo treatment. Perhaps I will glimpse the elusive, .
~~~~
This comic is creepy and beautiful: http://www.deadmouse.net/ballad/bd1.htm

Nimue
Originally uploaded by Metahari.

Here is my gift to !

Happy Holidays!

Weekend Things:
Went with Mom to a business appointment, showed the couple my sketch book.(At Mom’s behest), was given actual ceylon chai with fresh ginger. yum!

Did some quick Christmas shopping with Mom, and added to my list, (apparently the one I posted was too general and too short)

Made it to a nice tea and wine party with Dan and Merilee, who I hadn’t seen in a long time, their daughter, Genevieve was a joy, just about a year old and walking and waving at everyone and everything. (me, the piano, the plant). D&M were so sweet and instantly used my gifts to them(big wintery themed coffee mugs) for their party, which they didn’t have to at all, and was nice. It was nice to chat with a variety of people from different groups, Contra Dancers, photographers, quakers, and art buddies. ( and showed up, and I was able to give them their gifts as well! (Wicked book for Kim, Katamari Damarcy for Maciek).)

Was all set to go to Christmas service with my parents, when Mom called and said she had to take my father to the emergency room because he had intense rib pain. They feared a blood clot in his lung, but it turned out he has bruised or fractured a rib. Which isn’t life threatening, but very very painful, and not really the sort of thing he needed on top of the cancer stuff. I headed over to the house after they got home, to spend time with them

Worked a bit on art, and played Baten Kaitos on my GameCube till it died. Husband sent me out to get a new one, :), I picked up a holiday platinum bundle gamecube, which came with Mario Cart Double Dash. It was a pretty good deal, and not purple, and I was able to continue playing blissfully until sleep time.

Monday:
Got some insurance stuff figured out, and made dental appointments for me and hubby for the new year. _must stop putting things off_.

Last night I finally got commission physically to her and her hubby. Whew! Felt good to get that off my plate before Christmas. As hard as it was to part with “A Song for Evan”, I’m glad it’s going to a good home. could you take a picture of it on the wall when you get it all framed up, please?

Then I headed over to a sparse Writing Group night. I did no writing, but it was very nice to check in with and who I feel like I haven’t seen in a while. (I miss seeing but I just know the new year will open up both our schedules for ass-kickery.)

2005, the year of Ass-Kickery! (place it in your Interests to remember)

Lah. ok, still need to do lots of shopping, but have the rest of the week off, and that’s good.

Adoption - Illustration Friday 12-17-04
Originally uploaded by Metahari.

Here’s my Illustration Friday Picture for the week. Wasn’t sure if I was going to participate, but am glad I did. It’s fun just to throw down ink and markers. I’ve been mulling the word of the week all week.

That’s right.
*thumbs point to chest*
This one.

gah.

~~~
At least last night we put up some things on or walls, pretty orientalish flowers, and got the tree together and decorated.

Went over to my folks last night, spent most time talking with mom. She’s an amazing woman, under an amazing amount of stress.

The beginning of the week brought light snow and the possibility of a cure for my father. There was a slim chance that his lungs were populated not with cancer, but with a fungal infection. They started him on a fungicide last friday, while waiting for various tests to return from labs.

Initally, it seemed the medication was helping him, as his coughing eased and he seemed to be feeling better, but blood tests returning yesterday come back high for cancer. This is not good. Even though he will begin chemo tommorrow, I’m sure his chances are low. (edit:another call to mom says prognosis is between 8-20months, on the 20 side because he’ll be in a new treatment trial, but a scan after 8 weeks will helps us know better)

My mother and I talk, here and there, about the future. We both admit we know we will get through this, logically we know we will, even though we don’t wish to. It’s a hard realization.

Tonight was supposed to be the return of gaming with j. and now I’m not sure. gah, I’., sure mom could use me tonight.(edit, cancelling gaming again with j.(I think I’ve cancelled all week) and I feel bad, but family is much more important, I’m going over there after 6.)

(Also, my grandfather fell at work yesterday, 911 and everything. He tore his hamstring.)

:Woe
:gnashes teeth.

I need a hug.

This stuff is all up on my huge Amazon Wishlist, btw. (also, just for you, I’ve removed over 30 items from the amazon wishlist.) I am also more than happy with used items too.

Yes, it’s stuff, no, I don’t neeed most of it. If I had my actual wish, my father would be well and be able to enjoy the holidays. I would sell stuff I already have, or commissions or whatever if I could do have that.

No obligations here, just putting this out here, before I send it off to the mothers. I’m actually pretty happy with what I have, and find my other more ethereal wishes are for time to work on art, writing, and to play videogames.

CDs
Shatner’s Has Been
Wicked the Musical

DVDs
Gargoyles 1st Season
Chicago the Musical
Aladdin Platinum Edition
Mulan

Books
Dancing Barefoot - Wil Wheaton
Just a Geek - Wil Wheaton
No Plot, No Problem - Chris Baty
Marker Magic : The Rendering Problem Solver for Designers - McGarry
Fashion Design Drawing Course - Tatham
A Place So Foreign and Eight More - Cory Doctorow

Tech:
Printer Cable for my Mac
Shadows of Undretide - Neverwinter Nights Expansion for Mac
Original Dungeon Siege for Mac
Mac compatible scanner (my pc one works, but has a fake usb, apparently it’s a serial to usb)
(even better if I can get an 11 x 17 one, to easy scan my comic pages, but not required)

Giftcards From:
Copicmarker.com (Which I will use to order refills and buy some snazzy empty marker wallets) or
University Bookstore (which will fund more marker madness, tis true)

Also open to:
Snazzy fashion I wouldn’t think to get myself
Sweaters
Things to aid in my art room organization, and stuff to help me hang up posters in said art room.
giftcards to anywhere.

Bubble
Originally uploaded by Metahari.

This was created for last week’s Illustration Friday. I have no clue if you’re able to submit late, but this was fun, so I finished the markers last night.
(The inks really were pretty much done last week)

(again, if anyone has tips on how to get a good scan out of markers, please tell me.)

This was fun.

i finished 2 more books tonight… and now i’m all out of sookie stackhouse vampire mysteries. *pout*

am open to sugggestions.

I’m numb, I’m numb, we all are.
I am faced again with the fact that I’ve never fully dealt with my father’s cancer.
Perhaps, if I don’t tell you what’s happening, it won’t be real.

But it is real. I know it.

I saw my parents and grandparents and brother Friday night for dinner, Papa John’s Pizza, at my grandparents house, a stone’s throw from Angel Park.

After I had eaten my fill, I asked my Mom how Dad’s CAT scan had gone earlier last week. (They had him in because his pneumonia wasn’t getting better). She waved him over, almost covertly, and he pulled up his chair beside mine, at the dining table that was full of dishes and cookies for a Sunday night dessert.

He asked me how I was doing, and I leaned into him, his arm coming around my shoulders, “fine,” I squeaked out, and asked him how he was doing.

“Well, baby, they took my scan, and I have a little metastatic disease in my lungs.”

He went on to explain, softly, that they thought the chemo treatments he had only just completed a few weeks ago had likely suppressed these lung spots and that it came through the lymph system and not the blood system, which means it moves slower.

Slower? Than what?!

It’s better, in a way, that he’s been sick though, because he wasn’t scheduled for a CAT scan check up till sometime in January. He’ll meet with his kind Oncologist on Friday. My uncle Joel flew in on Sunday to be with us, with him this week.

After the pizza, we sat around, and helped Grandma put her Christmas tree up with lights, played with the cat, and I was struck with how Norman Rockwall the night was, all of us around the tree, laughing and me trying very hard to breathe, and hide my tears from my father.

I’ve really been blessed with an amazing family.

Please pray for us.