Questing

“Stop taking pictures,” they cried,”Blow out the candles!”

Would just like to point out that this is the cake my Grandma got me, not because she thinks I’m 4, but because she thought I’d like it.

Even if she had to tell the bakery that I was young young,when they asked, so she didn’t seem really strange buying a Yu-Gi-Oh cake for her 27 year old granddaughter.

My mother has similar stories, when she’s out buying fairy or elf themed jewelry.

I told them this year was easy, and to think of how much harder it’ll be to hide my age when I’m 50! What can I say, I’ll always be young at heart.

Had a good birthday week, I had 3 different cakes(one of them ice cream)! And lots of lovely, thoughtful gifts. My husband seemed especially dedicated to making sure I had a great time.

/races around in her birthday suit.

I was going to post a picture from my 21st birthday, but it seems I’m missing whole directories on quixotica.

will rectify later.

/cavorts.

Ugh, I hurt my back badly at work last wednesday, and have spent 4 days on my back with my legs up.

My birthday is wednesday. Usually I’m excited about the prospect. I can’t believe it’s here so fast, and in a way I’m dreading it. My family has always gotten together for birthdays… I’m very sad my father won’t be there.

But I have made a birthday wishlist, http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/392S0DWMXY58S which is much shorter than my massive regular amazon wishlist, http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/wishlist/2IAY6JHWOWTTI/ .

Some other things that would be neat:

Subscriptions
Draw!
Shojo Beat

Certificates
Copic Marker
Best buy certificate (I’m saving for a camera)

Misc
manicure
pedicure
salon massage
more livejournal

It’s been a dark summer, emotionally. I’ve spent several weeks in misery, depression, and general sadness. There were days where I felt I couldn’t close my eyes without finding myself trapped in that amber afternoon in those last hours I spent with my father. Times I felt I couldn’t breathe, remembering his last gasping breaths.

This emotion is akin to falling down a rabbit hole, a long floating sensation where almost every sure thing in my world has been swept about in a maelstrom, leaving me little to hang onto.

Still, where there were weeks and days full of this intense emotional fog, there are now mostly just moments that I allow to pass me swiftly. I felt like I was drowning in those amber moments, but now I have surfaced. Perhaps only my head is above the waters, but I’m still swimming, I’m going to make it.

I’ve been both ‘keeping busy’ while at the same time ’searching for purpose’. Some days just feel pretty pointless. Better days happen when I take the time to make lists and fulfill them.

I move ahead in some goals, while others elude me. I’ve been reading a good deal, and filling my other moments with intentions of working on art and writing. Some of those intentions haven’t been realized, mostly related to things like exercising and working on the comic.

I know I’m still using these things to escape, but the sheer weight of sadness has lessened a bit, and I’m finding it a bit easier to be around my family and friends. I know I haven’t been the easiest one to be around, but am thankful for the love and patience my husband and everyone has given me.

Time allows us only to move forward.

I’ve not been sleeping well since my father died, in fact, since before. Last night because I exercised and note carded my way to the end of my novel, so I was more than ready for bed. I really felt, for the first time in a long time, like I was sinking into some nice deep sleep.

That lasted until about 1AM, when my neighbors started yelling and screaming at each other about 15 feet away. (Our bedrooms share a wall, and I could hear clearly about every 5th word.)

I woke from the deepest, warmest, most comfortable sleep I can recall lately, to their violent argument. I was still so tired, half-asleep, practically a step away from sleepwalking, but because I was jealous of my sleep I decided to do something.

I stood up, faced the wall, and hit it three times with the heel of my right hand. I didn’t say anything, or scream at the neighbors, I just used the timeless agreed upon way to communicate with noisy neighbors, right?

They went a bit quiet, and then started yelling at each other about…something, something, “neighbors”.

It got really quiet, and as I started to nestle back in, the woman attacked the wall, harder than I did and screamed ‘@SSHOLE’. Then they both commenced with more screaming and arguing. They were so loud by then, that my husband came up from downstairs and asked me what was going on.

We had a brief conversation where I told him I had pounded on the wall, and he could still hear them arguing. He kindly helped me get to the spare bedroom, and promised he’d make sure I woke up on time. I grabbed my pillow and blanket like a child and dragged them down the hallway. He even turned on the dryer, so it’d be harder to hear screaming. I was still able to hear them, a bit here and there, on the other end of our house over the dryer noise. It took me a good while to fall asleep again. The bright green light of the airport express, and the blinking green light of the router were distracting.

Anyway, I’m a bit tired, and unsettled. I dislike discord, and I’m little worried that my neighbors will do something violent to each other or me.

*this isn’t the first time they’ve argued so loud, but the first time I’ve done anything about it. It’s only happened a couple times before. Always really late/early though.